lonely Christmas

anneyonggggg~
it's been awhile since i blogged isn't it?
i'm out of ideas lately..
yes, Christmas is coming and i had no idea why i'm so exicited about it the past few days
i could feel the festive spirit coming and all
but i defitnately do not want to spend Christmas alone
i want to spend it with my special someone
although i guess this was just my wishful thinking because it is impossible for me to be out unless i have my friends as companies?
i don't know
Christmas was suppoe to be fun, full of joys and cheers
somehow, i can't experience it
on Christmas eve, i wanted to have dinner together with my boyfriend, have long walks together hands in hands, sit together in a warm room waiting and counting down to Christmas
i wanted to live like that
yes, i really do.
it all sound like a dream but doesn't fit into reality
thats why i always said, dreams are better than reality
i felt useless at times..no, MOST of the times.
all i ever wanted was to give someone i love what he wanted, and why is that so hard?
im weak perhaps?
i really wanted to spend Christmas with him, only him.
i never been so dissapoint like this ever in my life, i don't even sound like myself
what's the point of saying it when it'll never happen?
i dont know.
i can't tell how much i misses him after our last date which was like almost a month ago
can you even feel or know how much i misses you now?


dont promise me a lonely Christmas please.